California Divorce and Family Law

Slicing Up Assets in Advance

It's one thing to write about prenups, and quite another to live through their making. Doing a prenup isn't for sissies.

There I stood, in Vera Wang's dreamy Madison Avenue shop, trying on a wedding dress. On either side, 25-year-olds, with their mothers, their bridesmaids and their 22-inch waists. In the center, me, trying to pull something white and swishy over my hips. Available wedding dates are few for brides of a certain age. You have to celebrate after your grandchildren get out of school and before your friends go away for the summer. So I'll be a June bride. I have two more weeks and am hustling to finish the paperwork.

Oy, the paperwork!

When my husband died four years ago, I hadn't expected love to come back into my life. It did, in the person of Carll and his children. Between us, we have eight. That raises the unromantic question faced by all parents who go to the altar, bringing families along. What do you do about the money?

If you do nothing, state law intervenes. When one of you dies, the other can claim a share of the assets, no matter what it says in your will. If you divorce (gulp), a court can divide the property in ways that seem fair. Couples wanting a different result have to draw up a prenuptial agreement—a legal contract defining the financial arrangement they prefer.

It's one thing to write about prenups, as I have before, and quite another to live through their making. Most decisions were easy. One, however, required us to dig into feelings that were hard to talk about. Embarrassing, even. Doing prenups isn't for sissies.

The easy things were our separate assets. Neither of us needs financial support. The prenup says that what's mine goes to my kids when I die, and what's his goes to his.

There's a twist with my retirement fund. You can leave an Individual Retirement Account to anyone you want. By law, however, some or all of your 401(k) or pension trust is earmarked for your spouse. A prenup can't change that. To free me to leave my pension trust to my kids, Carll has to sign a special waiver after we marry, not before.

So here's the nightmare (only an obsessive financial reporter could think this one up): I say "I do," waltz from the wedding ceremony to the party tent, trip on the dance floor, break my neck and breathe my last. Carll inherits the pension trust and can't give it back to the kids without paying a gift tax. They rebel. I haunt the lot of them.

There is a whole lot more from Jane Quinn in Newsweek.

Why is a prenup so important?

Q: "I'm getting married and I have some assets of my own from my family. I'd like a prenup but my fiancé is insulted. How can I convince him this is a good idea?"

A: Emphasize to your fiancé that it is important for couples to have healthy discussions and agreements about finances before they get married as well as after they get married.

A prenuptial agreement can be a positive communication tool to clarify how assets will be treated in the future, especially family owned assets like farms or businesses.

Your Money Team would like to highlight two major points about prenups:

1) Whether or not you draw up a formal document, all couples should have full disclosure and conversation about finances before they get married, especially where children from prior marriages or family owned assets are involved; and

2) Prenups are not just for divorce, but also issues pertaining to death.

Full disclosure prior to marriage. Kim Stamatelos, a mediator and family attorney in Des Moines admits that the word prenup “conjures up intense emotions, insecurities, and confusion for many couples.” Yet by facing this tough issue, she says, couples can clear up misunderstandings and set the stage for open communication in their marriage.

Stamatelos encourages couples to think of prenups as a positive and healthy precedent for being candid and honest with financial issues and sharing attitudes towards money.

Jim Niblock, a tax and estate planning attorney with Brown Winick Law Firm in Des Moines, says that while prenups are more common in second marriages where there are children from prior marriages, they can be “positive for all couples.”

He notes that when assets like family farms or business interests are involved, it is important to “be clear in advance” if those will remain family assets in the event of divorce or death.

Nibock says you don’t necessarily always need a “full-blown prenup,” but might simply address the family owned assets.

Prenups deal with estate issues. Both Stamatelos and Niblock stress that Iowa currently does not recognize “post-nups,” agreements entered into after marriage (unlike California, which does recognize post-nups). Stamatelos says that if you don’t use a prenup, you could have difficulty directing the distribution of your money and assets with your will.

”Without a prenup waiving the right, your spouse has the right in Iowa to ‘elect against the will’ if you don’t give them a minimum amount of assets in your will,” says Stamatelos.

This can be an issue especially where there are children from a prior marriage. Niblock added that this issue is also important with regard to the use of trusts for assets, such as real estate, in which a spouse may have significant rights under Iowa law.

Involve a professional. If you are hesitant to bring up the subject on your own, consider including an experienced lawyer or mediator. These experienced professionals can help lead the conversation in a neutral, objective, non-intimidating manner and help both parties address critical financial issues prior to marriage.

From the Des Moines Register.

Prenuptial agreements prevent much pain

Ever wonder if Paul McCartney wishes he had negotiated a prenuptial agreement before he walked down the aisle with his soon-to-be ex-wife Heather Mills?

I think we all have a good idea what the ex-Beatle would say: Yeah,  yeah, yeah.

Sir Paul, one of the world's wealthiest entertainers, will likely part with the equivalent of $235 million after only a few years of marriage.

The way Judith Charny sees it, McCartney was the ideal candidate for a prenup. He had money in the bank, his own business and children from a previous marriage.

"If you're in a second or subsequent marriage, you want to protect  your kids and you want to protect your assets," she says.

The acrimonious, high-stakes split has put the spotlight on prenups. Even business mogul Donald Trump weighed in, saying McCartney should have known better. (The Donald, who has had prenups for all three of his marriages, shed an estimated $30 million in payments along with his first two wives.) When Charny got married -- 25 years ago in June -- she didn't know what a prenup was.

Today she's a partner at Charny Charny & Karpousis in Mount Laurel, where she helps prospective brides and grooms to negotiate agreements as to how their assets will be divided should the marriage end.

It's a process that should begin long before the wedding invitations  are mailed.

First, working out an equitable agreement takes time.

Second, and most important, a rushed prenup might not stand up in court because one spouse was under pressure. (Ask director Stephen Spielberg. He was ordered to pay ex-wife Amy Irving $100 million when a judge ruled that their prenup, scrawled on a cocktail napkin, was invalid because Irving didn't have legal representation.) "A prenup isn't cumbersome or expensive to set up," Charny says. "But it does take time because everything must be carefully evaluated."

Full disclosure of all assets is essential. If one spouse tries to hide money -- or debts -- from the other, it could negate the deal.

People who are contemplating whether they need a prenup should  evaluate both their financial assets and family obligations.

"If all you have are a couple of 401(k) accounts, you don't need a prenup because those are premarital assets," Charny says. "If you have your own business or property you want to go to your kids, you really should have a serious talk about it."

So why didn't McCartney insist on a prenup? Mills says she offered to sign one but her beau declined on the grounds they were madly in love.

That's the primary reason prospective spouses give in opting  not to go for a prenup, Charny says.

"People think a prenup takes the romance out," she says. "The  truth is it takes the pressure off."

From the Courier Post.

Should marrying types have prenup? Yup

I know what you're thinking: Prenups are so unromantic -- a sign of distrust, not love. Time for a reality check, my friends. First, drawing up a prenuptial agreement together is a sign of incredible trust and financial openness -- you're fooling yourself if you think you can achieve complete in timacy without it. And at the risk of being a complete wet blanket, I just want to mention that north of 40 percent of marriages end up in divorce.

A prenup is doubly important for anyone entering a second marriage, as there may be sizable as sets from the previous marriage that you want to retain sole owner ship of (you can pass them along to any children from that first marriage). And those of you who are living with a partner should get a cohabitation agreement; it's the prenup for couples who aren't officially married.

Some prenup basics:

• Before you sit down with lawyers, talk to your spouse about what you want to include in the prenup. There's a lot you can talk through when you're not getting billed by the hour.

• You both need your own lawyers; you should not be represented by the same attorney. For a straightforward prenup, you might pay $1,500 each.

• The prenup needs to be drawn up months before the wed ding, not days -- it's not something you slap together and sign in the car on the way to the ceremony. A shotgun prenup might not hold up in court.

• Be honest. Concealment of any asset or debt can invalidate your prenup.

• Everyone involved -- including the lawyers -- should sign the documents.

• If you move to another state, have a local attorney review the agreement in order to see whether you need to make changes.

Why do couples need to address money issues early on? If you aren't in sync financially, there's little hope of sustaining a happy relationship. Here's what I suggest -- whether you're dating, married or remarried:

• Hold on to your independence. No matter how long you've been together, keep at least one credit card in your name only. This enables you to maintain your own credit report and score; if you break up or are widowed, that makes it easier to start over.

• Watch your property. It's not uncommon for women to enter a relationship with sizable assets of their own. You have every right to retain 100 percent ownership of anything acquired before your marriage.

• Consider "for richer or poorer." Once you wed, you and your spouse are legally responsible for debts accrued during the marriage. Even if your guy seems as if he has his act together, don't as sume. Start by swapping your FICO credit scores (myfico.com). Both of you should have good scores (at least 650), or you could be heading for serious stress.

Use your scores to open a broader conversation about money. What are your views on spending and saving? Do you agree paying 15 percent interest or more on credit card debt is stupid? How about bouncing checks or missing bill payments?

Next, move on to your dreams: If you have kids, are you on the same page about the cost of education? Do you expect to help out your parents after they retire? Ignore these important talks, and you may end up panicked and with a partner who doesn't respect you. You deserve better.

From Suze Orman at the Star Ledger.

WIFE HOPE$ OTHER GAL PUTS . . .REF IN PRENUP PERIL

The wife of crooked NBA ref Tim Donaghy - who two years ago denied to her rumors that he had an Arizona girlfriend - was spurred to file for divorce last week after The Post confirmed the other woman's existence, a source said.

Kim Donaghy now believes news of the other woman will help her get a hefty divorce settlement from Tim - despite her having signed a prenuptial agreement 12 years ago, another source said. Kim in the past had tearfully told friends: "I want to leave the bastard, but I can't because of the prenup. If I leave, I get no money unless I have serious proof that he's ruined the marriage," according to that source.

The developments come as Tim Donaghy awaits sentencing on federal gambling-related charges. He last month admitted in Brooklyn federal court to taking money in exchange for feeding gambling buddies inside information about basketball games.

"At some point, maybe two years ago, [Kim] had heard rumors about a girl in Arizona," said a source close to Kim. "He [Tim] was bragging about her to his golf buddies, and I guess one of the wives told her, so she confronted him."

"He convinced her that it wasn't true. He said, 'No, no,' and just kept denying it. And she believed him."

But two weeks ago, The Post revealed Tim had a woman he had called his "girlfriend" in Phoenix - Cheryl Wolfe-Ruiz, a busty, blond sports-bar owner.

That story disclosed that Tim had slept in a hotel room he rented for Wolfe-Ruiz when he traveled to Phoenix for a game, despite the fact that the NBA had rented him another room.

"When the story came out, and she was staring at the face of her husband's girlfriend in The Post, that was it," the source said. "And shortly thereafter, she started filing the papers. It was just too much."

Kim Donaghy filed for divorce last Thursday in Florida, claiming the marriage is "irretrievably broken."

Tim's criminal-defense lawyer, John Lauro, yesterday declined to comment on the divorce and purported prenup agreement. But Lauro angrily denied Tim had ever told a friend that "if she knows what's good for her, she'll never try to leave me . . . she says she wants out and I always say, "I dare you, I dare you to leave me.' "

The Post yesterday quoted a friend of Tim as saying that.

Lauro said, "Those quotes are false . . . Someone for whatever reason is trying to portray Tim in a false light."

A source said Kim long had contemplated divorce but held off on it because she had signed a prenup that shielded Tim's assets.

"Kim would always say, 'I'm a prisoner in the castle.' She was miserable, but couldn't leave because of the prenup," the friend recalled. "If she left him, she wouldn't get any money. She's got four kids she's got to raise. She needed the money, the money was always why she stayed."

"There was that huge picture of this blond, smiley girlfriend in The Post, she certainly had grounds to leave him," Kim's friend said.

"Kim's case is basically proven for her. She knew she had to step up once the story came out. She needs the money and now she'll get it. She's got proof that he cheated on her."

From The New York Post.

I've been with my fiancee for five years; we're getting married in July

THE PROBLEM

My problem is the prenuptial agreement: She feels that after one year of marriage, she should own 30 percent of my house.

I've put all my savings into it; I pay all the bills and do all the maintenance. I support her, and she has a very good job. She invests a lot of her pay, whereas my investment is in my home. She says she should not have to help clean or anything, unless she's put on the mortgage.

I love her and plan for us to be together forever. But if things do go sour, I don't want to lose everything. Is that wrong?

Unsure

DEAR UNSURE: You're both naturally thinking about your personal security, but fairness and practicality should be the focus here. If she's to own 30 percent of the house, she should be required to pay 30 percent of the bills (while she's working, and not home raising children). Or her personal investments should also be divided such that you receive 30 percent of them after that first year.

Discuss this prenup together with a financial/legal adviser before making your decisions.

READERS SAY

YOU ARE NOT wrong. I would first get a cheating clause. Next, I would agree to 30 percent of the house if she allows you the same dollar amount of her retirement investment. I think you should split the cost and hire a prenuptial attorney and have this expert draw up a valid prenuptial that both of you can agree upon.

Split Everything

I PROPOSE YOU sell your house and then both of you can buy a new one with each contributing to the down payment as well as the mortgage payments, property taxes and bills. You can put the rest of your money from the sale of the house into your own investments. Then you can both contribute to the cleaning and maintenance of the home.

If she balks at this, then you have to ask yourself if you both have the same definition of marriage and if you can accept a life where money will always be an issue.

Marriage Is Not a Business

YOU SHOULD SO not marry yet. You're being forewarned of a monster personality clash whose biggest symptom, currently, is a financial dispute. You need to get premarital counseling. If you have, get more. She wants 30 percent after a year's probation, and you're scared you'll lose everything? You're getting off easy. It could've been 50 percent upfront.

Conversely, if she withholds labor to leverage better terms, she either doesn't know how to negotiate maturely or is so mistrustful that negotiation is not an option. This transaction is more like a playground dispute than a mature, trusting partnership. I wouldn't marry either of you.

Where's the Trust?

YOU SHOULD RUN for the hills. This gal you love may love you, but she loves your money more. I did not read she was offering her possessions or money as part of the deal, so I can only assume she is trying to suck you dry. I hope you're not a chump and don't fall for this crap.

Knows Better

A MARRIAGE SHOULD be a partnership, but it seems like you are doing most of the work. It is evident from what you say that she has already established that what's hers is hers and what's yours is hers. It seems that now you are not OK with this arrangement when it comes to your house. I suggest that you tell her the house is not part of the agreement. You had it before you two met and it will not be part of any settlement.

If she refuses to sign the agreement without the house in it, I would think twice about the marriage. A house should not be a deal-breaker for a marriage.

Redo the Deal

THE CONCEPT OF a marriage based on the deepest trust being turned into this kind of negotiation goes against the mind, not to mention the heart. If there is love and trust, then such graphic details about what one will "deserve" if the marriage fails are essentially nonexistent, a moot point.

It's a far cry from prenuptially agreeing to such factors as child support, should a marriage fail, to specifically saying that a year of marriage equals 30 percent house ownership.

In a trusting marriage, the wife's name is often on the house, land and car with the husband's. But is it wise to trust a fiancee who has made such mercenary demands?

Think Before You Wed

I BELIEVE IN prenuptials, especially if children are involved, but this one stinks. If this gentleman's fiancee wants her name on the mortgage, she should put some of her investment money into paying off the principal. Her threat not to clean the house raises a red flag about this relationship. If she continues to insist on this one-sided prenup, I would break the engagement.

Likes Fairness

IT ISN'T A good idea to plan for a divorce before you're married. Put her name on the mortgage, and have her put your name on her investments. Marriage is about trust. Having a house is a good thing, but it won't give you companionship and love.

Consider a Swap

IF SHE FEELS she is entitled to 30 percent of your house after one year of marriage, you should be entitled to 30 percent of her investments after one year. And if she doesn't want to help clean until she's put on the mortgage, remind her that if she is on the mortgage, she is responsible for half the payment.

If these demands are not within reason for her, I would run as fast as I could, because all she is interested in is getting into your pocket -- not into a lifelong marriage.

In Your Pocket?

HOW CAN SHE feel this way when you're taking care of her financially? It seems that only half of the whole is actually in love. Have you asked her about giving you 30 percent of what your home is worth out of her investments? That way, you guys would be even. If she refuses and you go through with the wedding, you will soon regret it. You're in a lop-sided relationship. She is only looking to gain financially from the marriage.

Lop-Sided

AFTER YOU'VE MILKED the cow, adding your fiancee on a mortgage after marriage is an act of love.

Smell the Coffee

IF YOUR FIANCEE wants to own 30 percent of your house after a year of marriage, that's fine -- as long as you own 30 percent of her investment portfolio.

Keep It Simple

WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT the financial circumstances are in terms of money, let me try to explain what should happen. You own a home with a net worth of $200,000, for example. You have invested $100,000 in it (50 percent).

She now wants to be put on the mortgage and you see her as your wife for many years to come. Therefore, let her pay the remaining $100,000 while you work on your 401K.

In the end, if and when you sell the property, you both should be able to make a profit.

Let Her Pay Half

THIS HOUSE IS "premarital assets." If his wife-to-be wants to own a percentage of the house, then the fairest way to accomplish this would be to take the value of the house at the time of the mortgage, divide it in half and the new wife should pay her half of the mortgage.

Say the value of the house was $200,000. The husband has paid $75,000 of the principal. That leaves $125,000 of the value of the house. The wife now would owe $100,000 and the man would owe $25,000 of the principal. In this way, if the marriage goes sour, then they could split the current value of the house and part ways.

Divide and Win

Ask Ellie is from the Chicago Sun Times.

Terrible PreNup

Q: My husband and I are residents of Nevada and have been married for 18 years.

I signed a prenuptial agreement two days prior to marriage stating that I am not to own property during our marriage unless agreed to by my husband. One year after our marriage, I was added to the deed of a Nevada home he purchased just after we were married.
Now, 18 years later, I thought we were purchasing a second home in California. But my husband is now telling me that only he can be on the deed because of multiple state properties issues we have until we sell the home in Nevada. He had the contract written up that my part is "assigned." I have no idea who "assigned" is unless it is a trust that is being set up in both of our names.

I am wondering if my husband is telling me the truth. Is there a reason that I cannot be on the deed at this time? Do I need to wait until we sell our Nevada home?

My intuition is telling me that he is putting the house in his name to protect himself. While he may later put it into the trust (which would benefit me if he should die first), he may not and may be protecting himself now in case of a divorce settlement.

We have been happily married for more than 18 years, and I can't see why he would not trust or put my name on the title to this property after I have been his wife and worked with him in his business for 10 years without taking any salary.

In other words, I have trusted him to include me in his financial purchases. Have I been a fool for all these years? My heart is bleeding.

A: Your letter is quite troubling on a number of fronts.

First, I don' t know if you're a fool for love, but I can't understand why a woman smart enough to work with her husband in his business for free for a decade would allow herself to be shunted aside in the issue of combined personal finances.

Your prenup sounds horrendous - did you have an attorney look at it? It may not even be enforceable. Why would you agree to let your husband dictate what you can and cannot own inside a marriage?

I think you need to speak to the family attorney and accountant (or better yet, hire your own) and ask for a full explanation of all financial matters. Do you ask questions before signing your name to your tax return? Do you even see a tax return?

I'm not an attorney and I don't know what kinds of financial shenanigans your husband has created to hide assets inside your marriage, if any. He may, in fact, be looking out for you, but you won't know that unless you understand what he is doing, what he and you own, and what is your and your family's true financial picture.

But as far as I know, there are no laws prohibiting you from owning property in other states or owning multiple properties at the same time. Plenty of folks do it every day.

You've got a lot of work to do here to unravel all of these explanations. I hope when you get to the bottom of it you like what you hear. But if not, it's always better to know now.

Question and Answer from the Bend Weekly News.

What people think of prenups

A 2002 Harris Poll demonstrates the polarized opinions on drafting a prenuptial agreement:

• More than one-fourth of respondents (28%) think that a prenup makes smart financial sense for anyone getting married.

• One-fourth think they are for the rich and famous, not regular people.

• One in five (19%) believe a prenup is never needed if two people really love each other.

• Fifteen percent think a prenup dooms a marriage to failure.

• Twelve percent think prenuptial agreements are a good idea but would feel too uncomfortable to bring the issue up in their own relationship.

• One-half (49%) of divorced Americans believe that prenuptial agreements make financial sense, while just one in five (21%) married Americans feel the same.

From freep.com.

When A Prenup Isn't An Option

Some people will go to extremes to stick it to their exes.

Take H. Beatty Chadwick, a corporate lawyer in Pennsylvania. Eleven years ago, during his divorce hearings, Chadwick was instructed to turn over $2.5 million he had stowed away in overseas accounts. Chadwick refused--choosing instead to spend his days browsing magazines in county jail (where he still resides on a contempt charge) rather than watch his ex take her cut of the slippery largesse.

For many, floating prenuptials is flirting with disaster (especially near Valentine's Day). Unromantic as they sound, though, the agreements do come in handy. Sir Paul McCartney took a bath because he didn’t have a better one, and rapper Kanye West topped the charts singing about how one of these could thwart gold diggers.

"Prenuptials are now such a buzzword in popular culture that people are getting them more often just because they think ‘I need a prenuptial agreement,' " says William Beslow, a matrimonial lawyer in New York who represented Nicole Kidman, Al Pacino, Robert De Niro and Demi Moore.

In legal terms, prenups are designed to keep individual assets from being considered "community property" during divorce proceedings. "Prenup" is a general term: Depending on how it's written, the agreement can cut as sloppy as a sword or as sharp as a scalpel. The one critical element: It requires two signatures.

So how do you protect your assets if your spouse-to-be refuses to sign one (or if you are too afraid to ask)? Herewith, some options that require neither permission nor steel bars--though all have to be put in place before you say "I do."

1. Do A Prenuptial Inventory

Lines of "entitlement" get blurred over the course of a marriage. The best way to ensure an accurate divvying of assets (and any appreciation) is to have them independently assigned and appraised prior to the exchange of vows. Such reckoning eliminates having to prove such things years later to a skeptical and overworked judge.

Musicians and authors do this to protect royalty streams from material composed before the marriage but that won't show up on Amazon until after the wedding. Athletes who have their hands in many businesses should take inventory, too.

“A premarriage agreement is critical, but without one, I make sure my clients have all their corporations tied down and that the people on the board of directors are who they want them to be," says Steve Reed, president of Capital Advisors Consulting, a firm which advises professional baseball players. "Once they get married, things become tied to the spouse.”

2. Set Up An Investment Trust

To protect appreciation in your investment portfolio, make like a politician and set up an investment trust administered by cozy trustees willing to let you manage the money behind the scenes. (If the account is under third-party control, the assets are not considered community property.) Any appreciation, goes back to you--assuming the trust administrator doesn't skip town with the bread.

"It's legal," says Beslow. "But it requires trusting someone else a lot more than your spouse, which is antithetical to the whole concept of marriage."

3. Form A Joint-Ownership Agreement

Similar to No. 2, this preemptive tactic aims to protect your property. Again you'll need a third party--a trusted friend or family member--to pull it off. Sticking property in a joint ownership account separates it from the community pie, as long as management and maintenance payments flow through the third party.

"You'd have to make sure that payments made to the third party’s bank account during the marriage came from an account without your spouse's name on it," says R. Richard Banks, a professor at Stanford Law School. "If you pay the third party from a joint account, the spouse has a good claim on the property."

4. Use Your Child's Trust As A Shield

Have nagging concerns about your second spouse's motivations? Stick that vacation home in the trust of a child from your first marriage. Children's trusts are off-limits during divorce proceedings--in an even more ironclad sense than with investment trusts or joint-ownership agreements--and you can still manage those assets on behalf of the youngster. (Of course, if you and Junior have a falling out, you may not see that second house again.)

Beware: While all of these methods are perfectly legal, they can have adverse psychological consequences, says Beslow. “The flaw of these methods--and of prenuptial agreements--is that in the zeal to protect against the contingency of divorce, they become self-fulfilling prophesies. Anyone who is seriously thinking about acting on some kind of dipsy-doo should not be getting married.”

More about this from Forbes.

Give Your Heart but Mind Your Money

Thinking about popping the question on Valentine's Day? You might want to pop the prenup shortly thereafter.

Prenuptial agreements no longer are limited to the very wealthy, says Cheryl Lynn Hepfer, a past president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. Among those who should consider signing one before promising to love, honor and cherish: professionals earning big bucks or with the prospect of substantial earnings later; anyone with children from previous relationships; beneficiaries of a future big inheritance; and people who own or expect to buy property.

Statistics on prenups are hard to come by, but experts say about 20% of people on their second or subsequent marriage get a prenup. An estimated 5% to 10% of people walking down the aisle for the first time sign them.

The prenup can be a tough subject, so consider having a financial planner, premarital counselor or other third party broach it, says Mark Oleson, a personal-finance professor at the University of Missouri-Columbia and a marriage therapist.

These days, prenups cover a lot more than dividing assets in case of divorce or setting aside money for children from a previous relationship. They also may include such things as who would get how much from a retirement account, how to handle finances if a partner becomes disabled, tax planning and the naming of beneficiaries in case of death. Nearly a third of the lawyers responding to an American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers survey said they had seen provisions for a pet.

The first prenup step: Find two lawyers specializing in such agreements. Each party should be represented separately. Inadequate representation can void an agreement later.

Future spouses should first talk things over generally and then instruct the lawyers. Be prepared to discuss your situation in detail with your attorney so the prenup can be structured for as many eventualities as possible. You'll need to provide the attorney with information about income, expenses, assets and liabilities.

Be thorough; lack of disclosure also can render the prenup invalid. "If [an agreement] is too detailed, that's going to be less of a problem than if you're not detailed enough," Prof. Oleson says. Someone who uses money set aside for her child's education to buy a house when she remarries, for instance, may not be able get that money back later to pay tuition without a specific prenup provision.

Generally, the lawyer representing the party who requests the prenup -- usually the wealthier one -- drafts a proposed agreement, which can be revised during subsequent talks. To keep emotions out of it, leave the bulk of negotiations to the lawyers. You may see multiple drafts. Read each carefully, comparing it to the previous draft, so you know what has changed.

If you don't understand something, ask your lawyer. This could be among the most important documents you ever sign. It's best to get the prenup wrapped up six months before the wedding. Agreements can be invalidated if signed under duress.

Read the rest at the Wall Street Journal (subscription required).