California Divorce and Family Law

Syracuse fan makes unusual custody request in divorce settlement

As he reviewed the divorce settlement his ex-wife's lawyer handed him earlier this year, Michael noticed an inequity he hadn't anticipated.

His ex-wife requested custody of their son and daughter for four Jewish holidays and half their Christmas vacation. The only Catholic holiday he'd intended to ask for in the custody agreement besides Christmas was Easter.

"I'm thinking to myself, 'This is highly unbalanced,'" said Michael, who requested only his first name be printed in this story to protect his kids. "I'm not a very religious person, so I tried to think of culturally some other things that are important to me that I wanted to make sure I share with my kids."

Two of the three days Michael requested to have 7-year-old Julia and 5-year-old Liam were St. Patrick's Day and Super Bowl Sunday, nothing too out of the ordinary. His third request, however, was one neither his attorney nor his wife's had ever encountered before.

Michael asked for Julia and Liam to be with him on the day of the NCAA men's basketball title game if Syracuse is one of the two teams playing. A lifelong fan who grew up in Syracuse but now lives in the Chicago suburbs, Michael passionately supports the Orange and hopes to pass that down to his children.

Since Syracuse has only one national title under Jim Boeheim, Michael considered asking for custody of his kids if the Orange make a Final Four or an Elite Eight, but he backed off when his ex-wife said he'd have to give up something else to get that concession. In the end, he's just happy that if Syracuse cuts down the nets on the first Monday in April, he'll get to share the moment with his kids.

"Neither attorney had ever seen anything like what I requested," Michael said. "It was completely foreign to them. My wife's attorney was a bit indignant, but eventually through negotiations it worked out. It was definitely something that was highly unusual to a divorce proceeding, but to me, sports is about celebrating with friends and family. That's why it was important to me."

Read it all at Yahoo Sports.

 

 

For kids of divorce, keep homes consistent

Q: I am a divorced father of a 9-year-old boy, sharing custody with my ex-wife. The problem is that she's overindulgent, and after a week in her house, our son comes home feeling and acting helpless. How do I get my ex to understand that our son needs to learn to be independent — and that she needs to encourage independence when he's with her?

A: You've put your finger on two of the biggest problems single parents face these days. First, dealing with inconsistencies between houses. And second, one parent spoiling the child. In many cases — as you've already noticed — the two go hand in hand.

Ideally, you and your ex-wife would have similar parenting goals, which you would discuss on a frequent basis as your son grows. However, as you've discovered, that's not always practical, especially if the two of you aren't on the best of terms.

The bad news is that you can't change your ex-wife. You can try to talk with her about the importance of consistent rules, but there's no guarantee she'll cooperate. And you could tell her that children who don't learn to be independent may:

• Have trouble accepting responsibility for their actions, instead putting the blame on others and never taking the initiative to change their situation.
• Lack confidence in their own abilities.
• Blindly follow others — often straight into trouble (drug or alcohol abuse, truancy, crime, teen pregnancy, and so on).
• End up as overly dependent adults, without the skills they need to be successful in their work and social lives.

The good news is that you can change your perspective on your ex's intentions. Moving from, "Arrgh, now I have to undo everything she did and start from scratch, again!" to something like, "Hey, at least my son is learning how to deal with conflicting points of view," will help you feel less frustrated when your son comes back from mom's acting helpless.

Thanks to the Vermont Sunday Magazine.