California Divorce and Family Law

How to make a difference for a child of divorce even as a bystander

Divorce these days surrounds us. Children everywhere are affected. It affects our grandkids, our nieces and nephews, our neighbors, our students or patients, and many other kids that touch our daily lives. Sometimes on the outside it's hard to know what to do.

After all, these kids are missing their parents. They are subjected to different rules and routines. Sometimes they are even the victims of intense emotional battles that rage between their parents. From the outside looking in, it's a helpless feeling watching these situations. So just what can you do? Here are ten suggestions to help make a difference for a child of divorce you might know:

1. Give lots of hugs. A child who is being bounced around between homes may not be getting the kind of love and attention she needs. Don't force it, but be ready to show affection when she needs it. Pay extra attention to the children. Mom and Dad often don't realize how neglectful they have become and the kids need all the love they can get.

2. Listen. When a child is feeling comfortable enough to talk to you about the situation, just be there and listen. You don't need to offer suggestions just give them a safe place to share what they are feeling.

3. Suggest a support group. If you have the kind of relationship with either parent that you can make suggestion, you may want to suggest a support group. There are divorce groups for the parents as well as grief organizations (such as Rainbows.org) for kids.

4. Don't talk down about either parent. Children need a safe-haven for discussion and if you insert your feelings, especially negative ones, the child is less likely to feel comfortable talking with you.

5. Read together. Reading out loud can be very soothing. You may wish to include a few books on the subject of divorce or split-family living. It may be enough to help them realize the feelings they are keeping inside and begin opening up about them. It also helps them to realize they are not unique in this kind of lifestyle. If it seems appropriate give or lend the books to the parents to possibly begin their own conversation.

6. Stay neutral. No matter how bad you want to take sides, don't. Keep those feelings to yourself and help the children feel comfortable about confiding and sharing feelings.

7. Do not get involved. Unless you are legally required to do so, do not get involved. It is very difficult to know both sides of a story, nor do you probably want to. You may some day need support from both parents for some unknown reason and you do not want to have burned any bridges.

8. Stay firm. Whatever rules or expectations were in force in your dealings with the child should not change. Softening your expectations sets the child up to use his circumstances to not be the best he can be. Staying firm can be one step that can prevent a child from spiraling into poor behavior.

9. Start a new tradition. Offer to take the child to the library and start a book club where you each pick a book for the other to read. Maybe go for ice-cream on Tuesday afternoons. Do something to reinforce your relationship with the child.

10. Learn the routine. If you show frustration with the schedules and routines, children will see that. If instead you accept the routines and try to make the best of it, you will take extra frustration out of the child's life, and he doesn't feel like he is doing something so unusual.

Source for post is SheKnows.

Divorce court typo hits paycheck

Anyone who hasn't seen a copy of their credit report could take some advice from Eddie Taylor of Murfreesboro: Look at it.

Taylor discovered last year his own credit report wasn't what he thought it was after he learned that due to a typographical error, his paycheck was being garnished to pay child support to a Memphis woman he had never met.

"It's been a long, drawn-out process," both to clear the error from state records and to repair his credit rating, since he learned about the error in the middle of last year, he said. An error involving the mistyping of his middle initial in the office of a Memphis divorce court led to the trouble, he said.

State and local officials later admitted the mistake, but he was told he would have to contact the four major credit rating agencies on his own to remove the mistake from his record. Just last week, the Tennessee Department of Human Services sent a fax to the consumer reporting agencies notifying them of the error, but that was after he had gone through mountains of paperwork and spent two of his annual vacation days in Memphis to that very end.

"I had to do most of the work on my own to get this released," he said. "It was a long, drawn-out process to get this released from a typographical error that started 200 miles away from here. Why should I be out of time and money when they caused the problem?" Taylor wonders.

He believes he could have gotten the matter resolved much earlier if he had seen a copy of his credit report. "It's something that ought to be sent out once a year to everyone in the United States," he said. "You shouldn't have to beg for it or pay for it. That's our name and Social Security number and our credit report."

Read the entire article at The Daily News Journal.

Personal Injury Award Not Income For Child Support Calculation

George and Cathy Heiner were married in 1993 and separated in November 1994. George was ordered to pay Cathy child support for their 2 children.

In 2001, George settled a personal injury case with Kmart. Under the settlement, he received over $2.3 million. The settlement characterized the entire sum paid as "damages on account of physical and personal injuries." In other words, the settlement did not allocate part of the award as compensation for loss of income and loss of earning capacity.

At the hearing requesting modification of the court's order with respect to visitation and child support, Cathy argued that George's personal injury settlement was income and should be taken into account when calculating child support.

The court held that the "entirety of an undifferentiated lump sum personal injury recovery is not income for purposes of child support." In addition, any part of the award found to be compensation for loss of income and earning capacity may be considered as income, but it is within the trial court's discretion to determine the amount. That amount may be zero, as it was in this case.

Read the court's decision here.

Man faked death to avoid child support

'Ultimate deadbeat dad' now owes more than $30,000 for two kids

COLUMBIA, S.C. - Police arrested a man accused of faking his death more than 25 years ago to avoid paying child support.

Johnny Sterling Martin, 58, had a relative call Family Court in 1979 and report that he died during a bar fight in Alabama, authorities said. That call came a few months after he escaped from a work detail while serving a one-year jail term for failing to pay $4,120 in support for two children.

He was captured Tuesday and jailed, and now owes more than $30,000 in child support and faces an escape charge, authorities said.

“Johnny Martin is the ultimate deadbeat dad, faking his own death to avoid paying money to support his young children who were living in Lexington County,” Sheriff James Metts said.

Martin has been living in Myrtle Beach, about 150 miles away, and had been using his real name for about 20 years, investigators. He has been married four times — twice since his disappearance — and has a third child, sheriff’s Maj. John Allard said.

The investigation was reopened last week when police got a tip from one of Martin’s ex-wives that he was alive and living in Myrtle Beach. A fingerprint analysis confirmed Martin’s identity, investigators said.

They are working to identify the caller who told family court Martin was dead.

See the entire article here.

Court May Not Terminate Parental Rights And Child Support Based Solely on Agreement of Parents

The California Court of Appeals held that parents can't agree to waive their obligations toward their children.

After the birth of their child, Mother and Father agreed that Father would pay Mother a lump sum of $6500 and that his parental rights would be terminated.  In other words, he had no further child support obligations nor the right to seek visitation. The trial court found that the parents had made a careful consideration that the best interests of the child would not be furthered by the sporadic contact with Father that they envisioned for the future.

The court of appeals reversed, holding that "Parents have no right, in California, to waive or limit by agreement a child's right to support.... Public policy intervenes to protect the child's continued right to support. A judgment so terminating parental rights and the attendant obligation to support the child is void as a breach of public policy and as an act in excess of the court's jurisdiction." The court concluded that the trial court had no power to terminate rights. If you want, you can read Kristine M. v. David P., 2006 Cal. App. LEXIS 34 (January 13, 2006) here.