California Divorce and Family Law

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Adrienne Maloof and Estranged Hubby Paul Nassif Have Prenup, but That Might Not Stop Fighting

Adrienne Maloof and Paul Nassif have legally separated and appear on the verge of calling it quits for good after 10 years of marriage. But if there's one thing they won't be fighting about, it's the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star's fortune.

That's because Adrienne and Paul have a prenup, E! News confirmed.

ven so, such a premarital agreement might not stop Nassif from going after the Bravo personality's bank account.

Already, things are getting testy between the former fun couple and their split has the makings of a nasty, drawn-out battle.

In his paperwork, Nassif requested joint physical custody of their three children—9-year-old Gavin and 6-year-old twins Christian and Colin. Maloof, however, wants primary custody of the kids, according to family insiders.

This report is from EOnline. Read it all here.

 

 

Syracuse fan makes unusual custody request in divorce settlement

As he reviewed the divorce settlement his ex-wife's lawyer handed him earlier this year, Michael noticed an inequity he hadn't anticipated.

His ex-wife requested custody of their son and daughter for four Jewish holidays and half their Christmas vacation. The only Catholic holiday he'd intended to ask for in the custody agreement besides Christmas was Easter.

"I'm thinking to myself, 'This is highly unbalanced,'" said Michael, who requested only his first name be printed in this story to protect his kids. "I'm not a very religious person, so I tried to think of culturally some other things that are important to me that I wanted to make sure I share with my kids."

Two of the three days Michael requested to have 7-year-old Julia and 5-year-old Liam were St. Patrick's Day and Super Bowl Sunday, nothing too out of the ordinary. His third request, however, was one neither his attorney nor his wife's had ever encountered before.

Michael asked for Julia and Liam to be with him on the day of the NCAA men's basketball title game if Syracuse is one of the two teams playing. A lifelong fan who grew up in Syracuse but now lives in the Chicago suburbs, Michael passionately supports the Orange and hopes to pass that down to his children.

Since Syracuse has only one national title under Jim Boeheim, Michael considered asking for custody of his kids if the Orange make a Final Four or an Elite Eight, but he backed off when his ex-wife said he'd have to give up something else to get that concession. In the end, he's just happy that if Syracuse cuts down the nets on the first Monday in April, he'll get to share the moment with his kids.

"Neither attorney had ever seen anything like what I requested," Michael said. "It was completely foreign to them. My wife's attorney was a bit indignant, but eventually through negotiations it worked out. It was definitely something that was highly unusual to a divorce proceeding, but to me, sports is about celebrating with friends and family. That's why it was important to me."

Read it all at Yahoo Sports.

 

 

In divorce, put focus on well-being of the kids

Parental visitation important to building child's support system

One in four children will experience the divorce or separation of their parents, and many will face serious adjustments. New homes and/or schools, and added financial pressures are all significant factors, but critical to a child's ability to cope is the opportunity to have regular access to both parents.

Communication is frequently an issue, often resulting in wrong assumptions by one or both parents regarding their children. Frustrated parents may refuse their children access to the other parent, and/or the non-custodial parent may be inconsistent in contacts with his or her children.

Unless parental rights are revoked, denying a parent contact with his or her children is illegal — even if he or she fails to pay child support. Domestic violence or drug issues sometimes are involved. As long as a child's safety is not threatened, he or she still can have contact with a parent, even if third-party assistance is necessary.

Sometimes children become "pawns" in parental battles. As parents seek to win, their children frequently lose. By supporting their child's contact with the other parent, adults validate the importance of that relationship, and minimize the focus on their own hurts or frustrations.

Parents can't control each other, and benefit most from focusing on what they can control: their own attitudes and behaviors. When adults — even when they feel disrespected — resist the urge to degrade the other parent in front of children, they demonstrate integrity.

There may be frustration with the other parent's lack of follow-through or availability, and the pain that this causes for children. While making disparaging comments should be avoided, adults should be careful not to make excuses for parental irresponsibility.

Non-custodial parents must persist in maintaining contact with their children, even if the other parent makes it difficult or a child seems to push them away. It may feel discouraging now, but perseverance generally pays off with deeper parent-child relationships later.

Parents should respect/honor the visitation schedule — both in showing up, and by being on time to pick up and drop off children. They should avoid making promises unless they can deliver on them.

Children need structure and love. Parents should make time with them as "normal" as possible, showing that they are more than simply a "Disneyland Dad" / "Magic Kingdom Mom," who constantly entertains. Kids feel safer and grow up more confident with a healthy balance between clear expectations and unconditional support.

More in the Statesmanjournal.com.

Time sharing tips for single parents

It takes effort for divorced parents to avoid fighting and snooping.

Too many parents fight over the details of child sharing and forget to focus on what is really important, the child's needs and feelings.

Unfortunately, it seems to be, "You are getting more time than I am" or "You are inconveniencing me." Translated to the child: "I am a lot of trouble to my parents."

Conscientious divorced parents find that they want to make sure their child is comfortable with their time sharing plan, but aren't sure how to make it easier as the child is passed back and forth between households.

The following tips are those which parents have found helpful as they share their child:

•Set up a regular schedule and make a calendar at each house, no matter how young the child is, to show when it's mom's day and when it's dad's day. Then the receiving parent stays at their home and the parent who has just had the child brings the child to the other parent's home.

A few minutes before the child is about to leave for the other parent's home, you can cheerfully mention it's almost time to get ready to go home to see mom.

Mom can do the same, saying, "Dad's going to be so glad to see you when you get home to his house."

•For mothers and fathers who have a difficult time with phone conversations, many parents make a habit of keeping a spiral notebook, which gets passed back and forth between houses.

In this diary-type notebook, they note such things as: "Got a good behavior sticker from his teacher today." "Fell off his bike and skinned his knee." "Didn't want to take a bath again, so I tried giving him stickers for each time he didn't whine when it was bath time. That seems to be working."

The point is communication about your child, and letting the child know you two are talking about her and care about her.

By sharing their experiences with their children in this way, parents know what happened during their non parenting time. Funny things the child did can also be shared between parents. Other parents set aside 10 minutes a week, when the child isn't around and go over things the child may need. Others are able to phone each other when issues come up about their child's schedule at school, or colds or illness.

•Other successful tips include keeping a picture of the other parent in the child's room; allowing a nightly phone "Good Night" kiss with the other parent; being flexible with the other parent when there is a family event or visit from an out of town relative on their parenting time.

What not to do in timesharing?

Don't pump your child for information about the other parent's life or lifestyle. It isn't your business. If you really want to know something, pick up the phone and clear up your child's comments with a simple question or two.

Suppose your child comes home and says, "Dad left us alone while he was outside with his girlfriend." A 4-year-old may not realize that dad simply went outside, got something from his girlfriend's car, and came right back into the house. To the 4-year-old, the time period may have seemed like an hour.

Check things out with the other parent, it will relieve your mind and keep lines of communication open as you build your child's future with happy childhood memories, rather than memories of his parents' fights.

From the Orange County Register.

After Divorce, Stable Families Help Minimize Long-term Harm To Children

For children of divorce, what happens after their parents split up may be just as important to their long-term well-being as the divorce itself.

A new study found that children who lived in unstable family situations after their parents divorced fared much worse as adults on a variety of measures compared to children who had stable post-divorce family situations.

“For many children with divorced parents, particularly young ones, the divorce does not mark the end of family structure changes – it marks the beginning,” said Yongmin Sun, co-author of the study and associate professor of sociology at Ohio State University’s Mansfield campus.

“A stable family situation after divorce does not erase the negative effects of a divorce, but children in this situation fare much better than do those who experience chronic instability”

The study appears in a recent issue of the Journal of Marriage and Family.  Sun conducted the study with Yuanzhang Li of the Allied Technology Group.

Data for this study came from the National Education Longitudinal Study, which surveyed thousands of students across the country beginning in 8th grade in 1988, when they were about 14 years old. They were surveyed again in 1990, 1992 and then again in 2000 when they were about 26 years old.

The study  compared children who grew up in three different situations:

• Children who grew up in always-married households (5,303 children).
• Children whose parents divorced before the study began, but who lived in a stable family structure between ages 14 and 18(954 children).
• Children whose parents divorced prior to the beginning of the study, and whose family situation changed once or twice between ages 14 and 18(697 children).

In the two divorced family groups, children may have lived in single-parent families or ones with a stepparent.  The key for this research was whether that arrangement – whichever it was -- changed between ages 14 and 18).

The researchers compared how children in these groups fared on measures of education, income and poverty in 2000 when they were 26.

More about this topic at Science Daily.

Study: Impact of divorce on kids less damaging

For years, social scientists have believed that children of divorce have had more behavior problems than kids growing up in two-parent homes.

But the impact may not be as damaging as previously believed, according to new research to be released Friday.

Instead of comparing these youngsters to those with intact families - the usual methodology - a more accurate assessment would be to evaluate them before and after the marital dissolution, argues Alan Li of the RAND Corp.

Many of the problems could be a result of pre-existing personal characteristics that would be a factor in emotional and behavioral issues even if their parents had managed to remain married, said Li, who will present his findings this weekend at the annual conference of the Council on Contemporary Families, or CCF, at the University of Illinois Chicago.

"Many studies end up comparing apples and oranges," Li explained. "Personality, parenting strategies and detailed aspects of a person's biography all affect children, but researchers haven't been able to measure many of these constructs."

In addition, the report said, many earlier studies failed to take into account differences between families, such as parents' socioeconomic status and education, which can affect a youngster's well-being, whether a couple stays together or not.

When these variables are added to the mix, the psychological fallout is negligible, said Li, associate director of the Population Research Center for the Santa Monica, Calif.-based nonprofit.

He drew upon a national sample of about 6,330 children between the ages of 4 and 15, whose mothers were surveyed repeatedly between 1979 and 2002.

Mothers filled out a 28-item checklist on whether their children engaged in conduct such as cheating, crying, arguing and breaking things. On average, less than half showed a one-item increase after divorce, which is not statistically significant.

Stephanie Coontz, a historian who has written extensively on marriage, called the findings provocative, adding that they could reframe the national debate on divorce.

To increase the odds of long and happy unions, states such as Oklahoma are funding marriage education programs, while others want to make divorce tougher. In Louisiana, for example, the waiting period for couples with children doubled from six months to one year.

However, these findings suggest that staying together at all costs may not be the best way to intervene, said Coontz, CCF's director of research.

Robert E. Emery, a professor of psychology at the University of Virginia, takes issue with the conclusion. While Li may not have found increased negative behavior, less quantifiable is the hurt that can reverberate across a lifespan, he explained.

"For example, graduation and weddings can be turned into anxiety-ridden events for children whose parents are divorced . . ." Emery wrote in a response to Li's findings.

Closer to home, most experts agreed that it isn't the split but the discord attached to it that is so harmful.

In eight years as a mediator in the domestic relations division of Cook County, Ill., Circuit Court, Jeff Ginsburg has seen it all. "It never ceases to amaze me when divorcing parents cannot get past their anger with each other to decide what is in the best interest of their children."

Two periods of conflict surround dissolution, said Ginsburg, who is both a social worker and an attorney.

More about this in the Bradenton Herald.

Bill addresses controversy in custody cases

A state bill that would set guidelines for child custody cases has highlighted a nearly 20-year-old dispute over a theory used by psychological evaluators.

Assembly Bill 612, which failed to pass into law in 2007, targeted the controversial theory, called Parental Alienation Syndrome. The syndrome describes behavior in which one parent turns a child against the other, convincing the child the parent has treated him or her badly, even when they have not.

Dr. Philip Stahl, a California evaluator and member of the state's Association of Family and Conciliation Courts, says evaluators are split in their beliefs about whether children can be alienated.

"You have evaluators who really don't understand alienation, and people who want to apply it in every case," Stahl said.    

Evaluators are not the only one with differing views on the issue: There are stalwart advocates who believe that hundreds of people have suffered because of parental alienation, and those who believe just as many have suffered from false charges of the syndrome.

Women's advocates say the theory has been used by courts to place children with abusive fathers.    

"It's junk science used to target women and take their custody rights away," said Karen Anderson, a spokesperson for the California Protective Parents Association. "It's a problem in courts all over the country."

Julia Cotton, a mother from Los Angeles County, said that a custody evaluation in her divorce case accused her of alienation and led to her young daughter being placed with her husband full-time.    

"Her recommendation led to me only getting my daughter for supervised visits," Cotton said. "When I saw her she acted traumatized, and seemed totally out of it."

Cotton said she suspected that her ex-husband was abusing her daughter in some way but didn't know what to do about it.    

"I knew that the more I tried to do something about it, the more I would be accused of alienation."    

While women's groups tout Cotton's story as a typical one throughout California, father's- rights groups have the opposite view of custody courts and alienation.

"Ninety-eight percent of the time that you see abuse charges that have not been verified by police, those allegations are coached," said J. Michael Kelly, a lawyer and a member of the United Fathers of California law group.

One father in the middle of a custody battle who asked to be called Norm said his two teenage daughters say they don't want to have anything to do with him, and he can't figure out why.

"They call me a violent man, they say I am aggravating," said Norm. "I had a bad custody evaluator, and now I barely see them."    

Norm said he believes his wife is genuinely convinced that he does not treat their children well.    

"I don't think she is trying to be vindictive," he said. "I just think in her mind there is some deeper mental problem that is convincing her I'd be bad for the kids."

The text of the 2007 version of A.B. 612 was drafted by the CPPA and explicitly banned the use of Parental Alienation Syndrome, or just the term alienation from use in evaluations. It also aimed to minimize the use of custody evaluations.

The family law section of the State Bar and the several psychologists groups banded together to oppose the bill.     

The 2008 version of the bill is much vaguer than its predecessor, stating evaluators will be forced to conform to "standards generally accepted by the medical, psychiatric, legal, and psychological communities." The bill does not specifically mention Parental Alienation Syndrome.

"The thinking was that if you mentioned specific syndromes or disorders, people who would use them in evaluations would just start calling them by a different name," said Ira Ruskin, D-Redwood City, who introduced the bill.

But Karen Anderson, who helped draft the original bill, said the new version, A.B. 2587, is not strong enough.    

"It's not an unusual process for a bill," said Anderson. "It starts out strong, and then it gets watered down, and a lot of the great stuff gets thrown out."

Stahl said that although the bill provides more guidelines for judges in what to expect from evaluators, the judges themselves still bring their own expectations about alienation into the courtroom.

"Courts are ruling in favor of people unfairly accused of alienation, and they are ruling against people who have been alienated," Stahl said. "Problems described by advocates on both sides on the issue are happening."

An additional problem, evaluators say, is that even with the right training, it is not always possible for them to tell when talking to a child, whether the abuse the child describes is really happening.

"There are real cases of abuse and false allegations," said Dr. Mitch Eisen, a Cal State Los Angeles psychologist and professional evaluator. "Both happen, and it is often impossible to differentiate between the two."

Stahl says that in some cases, the children themselves aren't even sure if what they are saying is true.    

"You've got kids who don't know what to believe," said Stahl. "It's hard to tell what is and isn't real."

From the San Bernardino Sun.

Evaluators in Child-Custody Cases Scrutinized

Psychologists and other mental health professionals are increasingly playing a role in child custody disputes.                         

Using a battery of psychological tests and expert judgment, psychologists make recommendations about which parent should have custody.                        

Those decisions are accepted by judges more than 90 percent of the time, but critics say the tests are flawed and the decisions are often more personal than professional.

Listen to this NPR All Things Considered on Evaluators in Child Custody Cases.

Case Law Development: Preference for De-Facto Parent Applies in Adoption Case rather than Placement with Relatives

The California Court of Appeals weighed the application of preferences for relatives versus caregivers in child protection cases in deciding whether a 10-year-old girl should be removed from the home of her de-facto parent and placed with her maternal aunt in Oregon. The trial court had ordered the girl removed from her de-facto parent, placed her with her aunt with an adoption plan, and terminated the girl's parental rights.  Both the girl and her de facto parent appealed.  The court of appeals reversed, holding that the preference for placing children with relatives did not apply in this case because the child was already placed with the de-facto parent and no new placement was necessary.  While the de-facto parent had not yet been able to have the court designate her as a "prospective adoptive parent" (which provides more procedural protections), she intended to adopt the child, so that the caretaker preference standards should have been applied.  Aunt had argued that the caretaker preference could not come into play until after termination of parental rights, but the court of appeals concluded that the preference arose whenever adoption became the permanency plan.  The court concluded that the trial court had preferred placement with the aunt because it had misunderstood the impact of the relative placement and remanded for consideration of the de-facto parent's application "on a level playing field."

The case would make a fascinating case study, both for the careful legislative interpretation necessary to decide when each preference applies, and for consideration of the importance of timing and procedural posture in child protection cases. 

In re Lauren R., Cal. App. 4th District (March 19, 2007)
Opinion on web (last visited March 20, 2007 bgf)

Once agian, a big thanks to the Family Law Prof Blog.

How to make a difference for a child of divorce even as a bystander

Divorce these days surrounds us. Children everywhere are affected. It affects our grandkids, our nieces and nephews, our neighbors, our students or patients, and many other kids that touch our daily lives. Sometimes on the outside it's hard to know what to do.

After all, these kids are missing their parents. They are subjected to different rules and routines. Sometimes they are even the victims of intense emotional battles that rage between their parents. From the outside looking in, it's a helpless feeling watching these situations. So just what can you do? Here are ten suggestions to help make a difference for a child of divorce you might know:

1. Give lots of hugs. A child who is being bounced around between homes may not be getting the kind of love and attention she needs. Don't force it, but be ready to show affection when she needs it. Pay extra attention to the children. Mom and Dad often don't realize how neglectful they have become and the kids need all the love they can get.

2. Listen. When a child is feeling comfortable enough to talk to you about the situation, just be there and listen. You don't need to offer suggestions just give them a safe place to share what they are feeling.

3. Suggest a support group. If you have the kind of relationship with either parent that you can make suggestion, you may want to suggest a support group. There are divorce groups for the parents as well as grief organizations (such as Rainbows.org) for kids.

4. Don't talk down about either parent. Children need a safe-haven for discussion and if you insert your feelings, especially negative ones, the child is less likely to feel comfortable talking with you.

5. Read together. Reading out loud can be very soothing. You may wish to include a few books on the subject of divorce or split-family living. It may be enough to help them realize the feelings they are keeping inside and begin opening up about them. It also helps them to realize they are not unique in this kind of lifestyle. If it seems appropriate give or lend the books to the parents to possibly begin their own conversation.

6. Stay neutral. No matter how bad you want to take sides, don't. Keep those feelings to yourself and help the children feel comfortable about confiding and sharing feelings.

7. Do not get involved. Unless you are legally required to do so, do not get involved. It is very difficult to know both sides of a story, nor do you probably want to. You may some day need support from both parents for some unknown reason and you do not want to have burned any bridges.

8. Stay firm. Whatever rules or expectations were in force in your dealings with the child should not change. Softening your expectations sets the child up to use his circumstances to not be the best he can be. Staying firm can be one step that can prevent a child from spiraling into poor behavior.

9. Start a new tradition. Offer to take the child to the library and start a book club where you each pick a book for the other to read. Maybe go for ice-cream on Tuesday afternoons. Do something to reinforce your relationship with the child.

10. Learn the routine. If you show frustration with the schedules and routines, children will see that. If instead you accept the routines and try to make the best of it, you will take extra frustration out of the child's life, and he doesn't feel like he is doing something so unusual.

Source for post is SheKnows.