California Divorce and Family Law

In First, N.Y. Judge Allows Gay Divorce

Trial Court Ruling Appears to Be State's First Allowing Divorce From Same-Sex Marriage

In what appears to be the first ruling of its kind, a New York judge will allow a lesbian couple who married in Canada to sue for divorce.

Though New York does not allow same-sex marriages, a state trial court judge refused to dismiss a divorce and child custody suit brought by a woman, identified only as Beth R., against her former partner Donna M.

Donna M. had argued that her 2004 marriage should be invalid in New York because the state doesn't allow same-sex marriage, but Supreme Court Justice Laura Drager found that the out-of-state marriage could still be recognized under New York law. Her ruling appears to be the first divorce case in New York from a same-sex marriage.

"What we're seeing now is a judicial battle that's going to be waged in [the] next few months," said Arthur Leonard, who teaches a class on sexual orientation and the law at New York Law School. "People sometimes forget that divorce is part of marriage. People need a judicial process to untangle a relationship."

The state's highest court last year declined to create a constitutional right to same-sex marriages, saying it was an issue for the legislature to decide. That case did not address out-of-state same-sex marriages.

New York is one of the few states that does not address same-sex marriages. At least 41 states have laws defining marriage as between a man and a woman, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures; those laws allow states to reject same-sex marriages from other states. In December, the Rhode Island Supreme Court ruled that the state's family courts can't grant divorces to same-sex couples.

In her ruling Monday, Drager said New York will not recognize an out-of-state marriage only if it is prohibited by a state law or if it is "abhorrent to New York public policy." She said only polygamy and incest have been found to be abhorrent.

Beth R. and Donna M., described as in their 40s and working in the media industry, were married in Toronto in 2004. They have two daughters, both born to Donna M.

Read more at ABC News.

Minimize the impact of divorce on your credit

If you're planning to file for divorce this year or are already splitting your assets with your soon-to-be ex-spouse, your credit is likely to take a hit.

Many people don't realize that lenders do not honor court decrees that assign payment responsibilities for joint loans. The mistaken assumption that you're off the hook for financial obligations can result in a series of missed payments that may trash your credit score for years.

This needn't happen if you safeguard your credit before you file for divorce. Consider these tips from John Ulzheimer, author of "You're Nothing but a Number" and an expert at Credit.com, a consumer personal finance site.

If you have joint accounts with your spouse, do your best to turn them into individual accounts so that it will be easier for the divorce court to split up your financial responsibilities. To do that you will need your spouse's permission, which means you're going to have to let the cat out of the bag. But taking these steps now can save you years of credit woes later.

Begin by converting your credit card accounts. People most often miss payments on this type of debt, rather than the loans that keep a roof over their heads and wheels under their feet.

Next, work on refinancing your mortgage and your car loan. Granted, this is going to be more difficult, because the bank will want just one person to accept the loan in his or her name - which may not be possible if that person's salary isn't enough to qualify for the loan. In cases like these, it might be easier to sell the car or the house, split the money and move on. That way, you're guaranteed not to have credit damages caused by a vengeful ex-spouse.

"Remember that when you're getting divorced from your spouse, you're also divorcing yourself from emotional attachment to assets," Ulzheimer said.

You would also be wise to opt out of receiving pre-screened offers for credit or insurance. A spiteful ex-wife or ex-husband may be tempted to apply for a loan in your name just to ruin your credit. Go to the consumer credit reporting industry's official Web site for details: www.optoutprescreen.com/.

Finally, start planning for all this at least six months to a year before you file, or as early as possible before the divorce gets ugly. Once any problems begin, you and your embittered other half will have a hard time thinking logically. If this seems like a lot of work at the front end of your separation, remember that it will save you up to 10 years of credit-related headaches in the aftermath.

From the Mercury News.

Keeping The Kids Out Of Your Divorce

It is not a commonly known fact, but the divorce rate in this country is actually going down.

The National Center for Health Statistics show numbers steadily dropping from 1979, when rates were at their highest.

But the effects of divorce are still a major problem and News 13's Emily Lampa has expert advice that can help both parents and children cope with this tough transition.

"There's a spirit of retribution in a divorce, and in that spirit of retribution, the kids get lost," said Evelyn Wenzel, a clinical social worker.

Pantaleon is in the process of getting a divorce, which has been hard on her family.

"I was just hoping that we were going to be able to go through this as friends and putting the children's best interests first, and it didn't turn out that way. It's gotten to, I guess, what you would term to be a nasty divorce," Pantaleon said.

That is why she and her husband looked for professional help and found a counseling service.

Counselors asked the kids to draw pictures or play video games in an effort to get them to open up about the divorce.

"A lot of this is about helping children feel safe and secure and be a kid, still," Wenzel said.

Counselors say there are 10 mistakes parents typically make when going through a divorce, and avoiding them can make a big difference in this tough transition.

• Don't fight in front of the children
• Avoid using children as messengers
• Don't put children in "parent roles" --- like referring to a son as the man of the house...experts say it puts unnecessary stress on children
• Don't destroy support systems.  Continue to allow your children to see grandparents, family, and friends
• Don't spoil your kids by giving your child everything they want because you think it will ease tension
• Avoid making the child feel one parent is the "good" parent and the other the "bad" parent
• Experts say dating in front of children in the first year after the divorce is a no-no
• Don't make promises you can't keep
• Don't have different rules at each house --- what happens at mom's house should also happen at dad's house
• Never discuss money matters with the children

Pantaleon admitted that it is sometimes hard to stick to the list, but she said it has had a positive effect on her family.

"You just have to make a choice. You have to choose to be happy. You have to choose to be kind and you have to choose to take the higher road."

Read it all at News 13.

To have and to hold ... for 83 years and counting

A White Bear Lake couple that marked their 83rd wedding anniversary Sunday may be headed for the Guinness Book of Records.

Eight decades after heading down the aisle, a White Bear Lake couple may be headed for the Guinness Book of Records.

Clarence, 101, and Mayme Vail, 99, celebrated their 83rd anniversary Sunday, possibly making them the longest married couple alive in the United States.

Married in 1925, they almost didn't make it to their 25th anniversary. When Clarence became critically ill with tuberculosis in 1948, Mayme made a promise to God that if her husband survived, she would attend mass every day -- a promise she kept until last year when health issues forced them to move into an assisted-living center.

"She's got good genes; she used to walk to mass every day," said her daughter, Arlene Leyden of St. Paul, who filled out the 17 pages of paperwork required by the Guinness record-keepers.

There was no shortage of people to attend the Vails' anniversary party. Their family includes six children, 39 grandchildren, 101 great-grandchildren and 40 great-great grandchildren. Mayme Vail's "kid" sister was there, too. She's only 98.

From the Star Tribune.

Cheating hearts keep Laguna private eye busy

Week of Feb. 14 is prime time for spying on suspected cheats.

The blonde went out for lunch. 

Ali Dixon, private investigator, watched. 

Would the woman, a home loan officer, be caught sharing the daily special with her secret lover? 

Would Dixon record on his Handycam a passionate kiss or hug – something that the woman's live-in boyfriend would find especially unappetizing? 

"Nothing surprises me any more," Dixon said of his work, which this time of year gets hectic as suspected cheaters shower gifts and attention on their significant others and secret paramours. 

"Retailers have their Christmas, and private eyes have their Valentine's Day,'' Dixon said from behind the tinted windows of his black surveillance vehicle – a Ford Explorer — which softly purred as he idled in a strip mall in San Juan Capistrano.

He watched his subject walk into a sandwich shop. 

"If she doesn't come out of there in five minutes," Dixon said, "I'm going in for a closer look." 

HEAVY CASELOAD

Dixon and five other investigators at Laguna PI (for Private Investigator) are working multiple cases of suspected infidelity this week, staking out homes, offices, strip clubs – wherever clients who pay about $500 a day send them to see if their significant others are cheating.

It can be long, tedious work – requiring patience, a keen eye, and the ability to deftly zoom in and out of traffic while juggling notebooks, cameras and food and drinks snatched on the go.

On Monday, Laguna PI opened six new infidelity cases. On a typical day the firm may get two.

But it's Valentine's Day, and careless as it may seem, cheaters can't seem to resist the urge to splurge on their secret lovers – sometimes very publicly.

"Usually, a man will take his mistress out to lunch, and then after work celebrate Valentine's Day with his wife,'' Dixon said matter-of-factly, carefully pointing out that suspected cheaters come in all types and in both genders. In fact, about 70 percent of the "subjects" he follows are females.

Dixon is young – 25, tall, with a narrow face and droopy Nicolas Cage eyes — and low-key for a guy whose job exposes him daily to the nefarious nature of the human heart.

Clients often break down emotionally. He's gotten death threats from cheaters who've hired their own PIs to find out who nailed them.

"A woman showed up at my house once and threatened to kill me,'' Dixon said. "I told her she better leave. She did."

As a licensed private investigator, Dixon has the proper permits to back up such statements.

He used to smoke to ease the stress of the job, but quit. These days, peppermint mochas from Starbucks do the trick.

Dixon currently is single. Things with his girlfriend of more than a year didn't work out. No, he didn't catch her cheating.

He's become a bit cynical about relationships but still has hope for the human race.

He knows there are unfaithful people in the world – always have been, always will be – and sees his job as a professional provider of peace of mind – as ugly as the circumstances may be.

Dixon recalled a client, a future mother-in-law of a woman who was to marry her son. The bride-to-be was a stripper. The mother-in-law paid $5,700 to make sure she was nothing more than that.

One of Dixon's colleagues tracked her at work. In his investigative report, he wrote, "She was not observed conducting herself out of normal character of her profession as an exotic dancer."

Dixon believes the two got married. He hopes the couple's happy. After all, he pointed out, he's not the one ruining relationships – he's just the information provider, the purveyor of hard, cold facts. When a job is done, he hands a report to his client and walks away.

"Ninety percent of the people who hire me are correct – their suspicions of infidelity are found to be true," Dixon said. "But it doesn't always kill a relationship. Sometimes it leads to a renewal of vows."

Sometimes,the suspicion is not about a partner sleeping with another person. One client wanted to know if her husband was visiting strip clubs.

He was.

"Now, that wasn't cheating per se,'' said Dixon, who left his investigating job at the Pasadena Police Department after five years because he said he didn't like working for the government. "But it was still an activity that he probably shouldn't have been involved in.

"I have some friends who tell me, 'I want my husband to go to strip clubs so he doesn't cheat on me. I'm in my 40s. He should be allowed to see these things.'

"But for some partners, going to a strip club is grounds for divorce."

Dixon is careful not to judge his clients or subjects. He prefers to sticks to the facts. The Register rode with him for four hours Tuesday in south Orange County as he worked two cases:

•The home loan officer whose live-in boyfriend works outside the county and makes good money. The boyfriend hired Dixon to dispel suspicions she was after his money and was not seeing other men – in short, to see if she was a "keeper."

•A successful, married man whose wife caught him cheating several months ago but decided to give him another chance. They have a small child. She thinks he may have resumed seeing the woman. She hired Dixon to find out.

LUNCH

Like police work, the job of a PI can be dull. Spasms of activity keep things interesting.

Dixon drove through a parking structure to see if the married man was at work. A fancy sports car would indicate he may be going on a lunch date. If he drove the boring family car to work, chances are it was take-out food at his desk.

His wife caught him with a younger woman. "It's always a younger woman,'' Dixon said wearily.

There were no signs of either car. Dixon drove through the structure twice to make sure.

"Sometimes his job takes him out of the county, so maybe that's where he went," Dixon said. "At the least, if he tells his wife he was at the office all day, I have proof he's lying.''

Dixon looked at a photo of the subject: clean-cut and athletic.

He is known to like exotic dancers, so Dixon drove to a well-known strip joint in Lake Forest. He knows many of the employees there who will drop a dime for the right price.

Neither of the man's cars was parked outside, and the place wasn't quite open, so Dixon moved on to the other case.

The boyfriend of the real estate loan officer paid Dixon $2,000 to track her movements this week. Dixon focused on lunchtime and when she left the office.

He idled his car in an alley in San Juan Capistrano, behind her office. His car was nearly blocked, to the right, by a maintenance crew working on a sewer and, to the left, by a garbage truck.

Sewer. Garbage. Possible cheater.

To Dixon, the scene had a poetic beauty to it.

The blonde got in her car and pulled out of the alley.

Dixon put his dark sunglasses on and followed her, from a distance.

She drove less than half a mile to a strip mall where she parked in front of a sandwich shop and walked inside – alone.

"Maybe she's meeting someone inside," Dixon said. "Maybe she's just getting something for herself and going back to work."

Personally working an average of 10 to 20 cases per month, Dixon has caught all sorts of damning evidence from the zoom lenses of his Handycam and camera.

He declined to get too specific, or to talk about common mistakes cheaters make. He didn't want to give away any trade secrets.

Just as Dixon was about to get out of his car and walk into the sandwich shop, the blonde walked out – alone, carrying her lunch.

"I guess today wasn't the day," he said. "Maybe tomorrow."

Or maybe never — maybe she's a faithful girlfriend.

Maybe.

One thing Dixon knows for sure: He'll be out there the next day.

Watching.

To contact Ali Dixon, call 888-780-7500

From the Orange County Register.

Radio Station Giving Away Free Divorce

A Charleston radio station is observing Valentine's Day with a reminder that Cupid sometimes misses his mark.

WKLC-FM, better known as Rock 105, is giving away a free divorce.

Valentine's Day isn't all hearts and flowers, says WKLC Program Director Jay Nunley. There is a darker side, he said, "where maybe you despise your spouse and resent the entire day."

Through 4 p.m. on Thursday, Valentine's Day, applications for the free divorce will be accepted on the classic rock station's Web site, http://www.wklc.com. The winning name will be drawn at 5 p.m.

Nunley cautions that this is a real divorce and people shouldn't enter if they aren't serious. Also, people expecting a long, drawn-out legal battle should hire a lawyer because the Rock 105 contest is for a relatively uncomplicated divorce.

Charleston attorney Rusty Webb will handle the actual filing.

"Sure we can give away concert tickets, and we do," said Nunley. "That's going to make you happy for a little while. This is the chance to make someone happy for the rest of their life."

Today's insanity brought to you by the AP.

COURT PLANS HEARING ON GAY MARRIAGE

The pros and cons of same-sex marriage will get an airing here March 4 in oral arguments before the California Supreme Court, the court announced Wednesday.
     In dispute is the constitutionality of the state's marriage statutes, which currently limit marriage to couples of the opposite sex.
     The contentious issue, launched in February 2004 when San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom began furnishing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples, reached the high court in 2006. In re Marriage Cases, S147999.
     Newsom's act ignited an international firestorm of outrage and praise that elevated the gay rights movement to the top of the American agenda.

     Divisive Topic
     It remains a divisive topic. Newsom said Tuesday that as the fallout from the marriage license tumult was peaking four years ago, current Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama refused to be photographed with him at a fundraiser in San Francisco. Obama's campaign manager, an openly gay man, denied the claim.
     Cultural conservatives' counsel and lawyers for the state will face off with the San Francisco city attorney and lawyers for same-sex couples who sued to validate the licenses they received.
     High court briefing concluded in August 2007, after the court asked the contending attorneys for more information on the distinction between marriage and domestic partnership. The justices announced that they will devote an unusual three hours to hearing the lawyers present their case.

     Three Issues
     Three issues are key for the court: whether the state's exclusion of same-sex marriage violates the equal protection rights of lesbians and gay men; whether that exclusion violates the right to personal autonomy protected by the California constitution's privacy clause; and whether the exclusion violates the fundamental right to marry protected by the state constitution's liberty clause.
     The most important differences between domestic partnerships and marriage are cultural, according to attorney Kate Kendall of the National Center for Lesbian Rights.
     "Mothers and fathers do not ever say they want to dance at their daughter's domestic-partnership registration ceremony," Kendall said last year. "Marriage is imbued with a very inspiring, intense and significant cultural acceptance that for many couples, long after the day happens, the fact of that ceremony is burned into their memory."
     Mathew D. Staver, the lead attorney for Liberty Counsel, a Florida traditional-family lobby, countered, "Those who are seeking same-sex marriage are not doing so for the benefits but for the state's seal of approval that comes with marriage. The state does not have to put a stamp of approval on any relationship."
     The Supreme Court granted same-sex marriage proponents' petition for review after a divided panel of the 1st District Court of Appeal voted 2-1 that only the Legislature can define marriage.
     The appellate court reversed San Francisco Superior Court Judge Richard Kramer, who upheld Newsom's right to issue the licenses.

From the Daily Journal. (Registration Required)

Hatip: Candace.

Un-tying The Knot

Taking A Closer Look At The State Of Our Unions And What Happens When Marriages Fall Apart

First things first: About half of all couples who marry in this country actually will make good on that vow to tough it out "for better or for worse … "til death do us part…"

And - for better or for worse - 85 percent of us will eventually take that trip down the aisle - or at the very least, pay a visit to the marriage license bureau, like the one that CBS News correspondent Kelly Wallace visited in New York City.

And when you ask newlywed couples like Philip Hansen and Nicoline Petersen about the future, things look pretty rosy, despite the fact that nearly one out of every two first American marriages will fail.

"Why did you decide to get married?" Wallace asked the happy couple.

"We have been together nine years, four months," Nicoline told her. "When you have been living that long, time has decided we will spend our lives together."

"You're optimistic?" Wallace asked the groom.

"Yes," he joked, "I am coming here now just to get divorced tomorrow."

Laura Gibson and Chad Rimer like their chances, too.

"Why did you decide to get married?" Wallace asked them.

"There has always been a feeling I am in it to the end," said Laura. "I love him, I trust him, that is why I do not think we will be a statistic."

So what are their odds?

With Valentine's Day around the corner - we thought we'd take a closer look at marriage, and divorce, in America in 2008.

To begin, you'll be encouraged to learn that, while the divorce rate doubled from 1960 to 1980 (the days of the sexual revolution), since 1980, the number of divorces in this country has pretty much remained steady.

But one thing has changed: There's been a fundamental shift in the way we view divorce.

"Divorce is - used to be - just absolutely stigmatized," says Dr. David Popenoe, co-founder of the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University in New Jersey. "And you know, divorced women a hundred years ago had to leave town in small town America."

"I would say marriage has changed a lot," Popenoe told Wallace. "Basically, in '60 and earlier, it was sort of an ironclad institution that was held together by law, by religion, by family pressures, by economic dependency. And all those things have withered."

But some things remain the same. Maybe you remember "The Seven Year Itch," Hollywood's classic take on temptation. 

We certainly recall Marilyn Monroe's figure, but what about that seven year figure?

"The seven-year itch was essentially a device - a playwright's device," explained Raoul Felder. "But then they started doing studies. And sure enough, what do you think? The average marriage broke up in seven years, when they're gonna be divorced."

Felder ought to know. They call him the shark of split - he's a legendary New York divorce attorney. 

"What is it that happens after seven years that you say, 'I'm done'?" Wallace asked him.

"I think it's probably the first few years, there's magic and mystery, and the next couple of years there's buying a home and having children. And now you stagger through to the seventh year and you've had enough. Ain't nothing left," said Felder. "so it's to the lawyer's office."

But Dr. Popenoe says that these days, it's more like the eight-year-itch.

"That eight-year average length of marriage that ends in divorce used to be seven. So it's gone up a little, which is kind of good news. It's lengthened."

But divorce lawyers say there are other critical times for a marriage.

"It's not the only spike. Another spike is at 17 and 18 years when the oldest child is set to go off to school," says Ike Vanderekel, a lawyer in Dallas.

"But we have a kind of cruel joke in the business," he said. "And that is that mom gets the house and the last couple of years of high school, and dad gets his secretary."

"I actually think there is a seven year itch," says Los Angeles attorney Stacy Phillips. "Generally, it's more the man, more the working spouse. Even though we have a more egalitarian society now, moms still do stay home - he marries the younger one who he met at work, who looked up to him with those big eyes. And he said, 'She's great cause she works.' And then, she gets pregnant and she stays home, and the cycle repeats itself."

Back at the New York license bureau, Lourdes and Luis Jimenez's marriage presents intriguing statistical probabilities - it's a second marriage for both. That makes it even more likely they'll wind up in divorce court.

Still, they're optimistic.

"We are going to live each day as if it's the first date," says Lourdes, showing off her new ring.

For them, the second go-round may indeed be the charm. As we said, the divorce rate has remained steady since 1980 and even declined a bit.

"One of the big reasons, we think, is because there were many fewer teen marriages in those later years," says Dr. Popenoe. "And teen marriages, which we had an awful lot of early on, are the most prone to divorce."

Read it all at CBS News.

In Divorce: Welfare of minor children is important

One of the most important considerations for couples going through a divorce should be the welfare of their minor children, including custody and visitation issues.

Too often, however, their children become yet another object of disagreement between the already-fighting parents.

The guiding factor in determining the custody of the minor children is: What will best promote the interest and welfare of the child?

The court has significant discretion in this decision. It makes sense for parents to create their own agreement for the welfare of the child. If the parents are unable to agree, they are required to participate in mediation. If that is not successful, a court will have to make the decision. The parents are then voluntarily turning custody issues over to a judge, who, though well-intentioned, has no personal knowledge about the child. Parents should give this careful consideration.

If the court does have to decide, the factors are numerous and diverse just as are the acts of parenthood itself. The court will consider all of those things that might impinge on the development of the child’s physical, mental, emotional, moral and spiritual faculties. The court will consider each parent’s caretaking abilities. The court will consider the child’s bonding with each parent and with other siblings. The weight, however, that the court may put on any of these factors is within the judge’s prerogative./p>

Can the court give custody of the minor children to someone other than the parents? Yes, but it is not likely. The right of parents to have custody of their children is substantial - but it is not absolute.

Other relatives, therefore (including well-intentioned grandparents), face an uphill battle in trying to get custody of minor children. They must show the parents to be unfit or engaged in conduct inconsistent with his or her parental status. It is not enough for the relatives to show that they may be more fit to have custody of the children.

Whatever their disagreements are with each other, parents should keep their eye clearly on the most important consideration: What is best for this child? That should be the guiding star.

Remember: An informed choice is a smart choice.

Read more about this at the Winston-Salem Journal.

Marriages on ice in January?

Like a symptom of the cold weather, marriages tend to freeze over in January.

With the holidays behind them, unhappy spouses start acting on their dissatisfaction by visiting lawyers, Saginaw attorneys say, and what was a trickle of clients in December becomes a torrent the next month.

"After the holidays, any conflict in marriage relations can worsen," said Stephen A. Seman, an attorney in Saginaw for 30 years with a practice at 1002 S. Michigan in Saginaw. "Between Thanksgiving and the first of the year, underlying stresses can exacerbate."

While people start talking about divorce in January, they act on it in February, Saginaw County statistics show.

In 2007, February featured the most divorces in Saginaw County with 86, indicating that people who sought consultations in January followed through the next month.

Seman said there's a lull in divorce consultations during December because "we all want to believe our dreams will come true."

When he returns to his office after the Christmas vacation, "calls increase dramatically," he said. Seman estimates the frequency of divorce consultations soars by 25 to 30 percent from December to January.

It's a trend other lawyers have noticed.

"Historically, more people are shopping (for divorces) in January," said Christopher A. Picard, an attorney in Saginaw since 1983, who opened a private practice with his father, John A. Picard, in 1986 at 820 N. Michigan.

After the holidays, "the euphoria comes to an end and people gear up."

In January last year, 68 people filed for divorce, the fifth slowest month of the year.

As Seman observed, November and December of last year featured the fewest divorces, with 53 and 51, respectively.

Since 1990, the divorce rate both nationally and in Michigan has steadily declined. In 2006, the number of divorces and annulments in Michigan totaled 35,022, or a rate of 6.9 per a population of 1,000.

In Saginaw County, however, the divorce rate was less stable over the past decade. While the rate hovered between 4.3 and 5.9 per 1,000 since 2002, a spike of 7.1 -- 737 actual divorces -- occurred in 2006, placing the county just above the state's average.

In 2007, Saginaw County's number increased to 837 divorces.

Not everyone believes that divorce filings ebb and flow strictly with the seasons.
"Seasonal trends could be anecdotal," said David A. Cable, District Court administrator for Saginaw County.

State offices close and lawyers take vacations during the holiday weeks of November and December, Cable noted, suggesting that a lack of opportunity may cause the low rate of filings in those months.

As much as the winter chills marriages, the summer heats matters up just enough for unpleasant unions to dissolve.

Seman considers summer months the second busiest time of year for divorce, particularly for couples with children. In the summer, with school letting out and all the associated obligations settling down, parents often get their first chance of the year to evaluate their situations, "to focus on their own lives," as Seman put it.

The factors that cause marriages to sour vary widely, but money woes and immaturity are leading causes, Picard said.

In his eyes, many marriages are salvageable.

"Many issues take time to work at," he said. "If (problems) were looked at as bumps instead of potholes, there might be less divorces."

Read more at Michigan Live.